But here’s what I want to share with you today.  A client sent me this link and I wanted to share it with you.  It’s Cheryl talking about her experience with a Vogue magazine photo shoot.  It’s about our relentless media hype that victimizes all women.  Here it is, enjoy.  And afterwards (as I said to my client), I hope you will take your unique and wonderful beauty out into the world, the sunshine, the beach, even! And let us all rejoice that we are not in fact, clones.

http://vimeo.com/42846334

Of course on this day I have personal wishes and reflections regarding the past year and the brand new year, but I have a wish for the world, too.  And this is it:

I WISH WE COULD TURN AROUND THE WAYS AND REASONS WE PROPEL OUR CHILDREN AND ADULTS INTO DEVELOPING CRAZY-MAKING PATTERNS OF EATING!

It saddens me to no end to see that eating disorders continue to rise over time, and that not only girls are affected, boys are becoming more and more aware of what is considered to be a cultural norm.

I’ve been researching more about where it all begins.  For some of my clients, they didn’t get negative messages regarding food and/or their bodies from their families.  For them, it started as a teen when they compared themselves to emaciated models and Hollywood look-a-likes.

For those whose family members remarked on their intake, choice of foods, and/ or their bodies, it may have started nearly at birth.  Feeding a baby intuitively, according to the baby’s hunger and fullness, takes a commitment to listening and noticing visually, the baby’s cues.  It takes an ability as the parent or caregiver to relax fully into the role of feeding.  For parents who didn’t have patient, good enough parenting themselves, it’s a challenge to be this present to the feeding of an infant.  For parents who have several other children and possibly a job, time or lack of it, plays a decisive role in feeding.  For some parents who are frazzled and exhausted, sticking a breast or bottle into the baby’s mouth is just plain easier, but what does this teach the infant?

Parents, because they know that our culture likes “thin, small, wiry,” worry if their child is “round, robust, a good eater.”  Sometimes the first restriction begins in infancy when a well-meaning parent tries to stretch out the time between feedings so the baby won’t “grow up fat.”  Of course what happens is that when the baby is finally allowed to eat, it’s ravenous and wants more, more.  Because now that wee one is afraid that her basic needs are not going to be met.  This may continue once she is eating solid foods, the parents moderating what, when, and how much she is allowed to eat.  That baby has had her ability to intuitively eat taken away from her.  She is the adult I see who is still struggling in her 20’s, 30’s, 40’s 50’s, and yes, even 60’s.

What can we do as members of this culture where having a pattern of disordered eating is more the norm than not?

Parents, if you have a crazy making relationship with food, get help so you have a chance to not pass it on to your kids.

Parents, read up on how to honor your infant/toddler’s innate ability to know how to eat.

Those in powerful positions in the media: stop, please stop using emaciated models, you could turn this around for millions if only you would stop this ridiculous practice.

All of us.   We need to talk about this, we need to honor diversity regarding beauty and body size.  ( I know, I keep saying this…).  We need to stop this hyper-focus on superior nutrition and the newest trend of exercising 2-3 hours at the gym each day (it leads to bingeing), we need to simply enjoy food, and enjoy sharing meal time with others.

Please help the next generation by not buying into dieting, ever.  The crazy making pattern of eating begins with the first restriction whether it was self-imposed or other imposed.  If none of us had ever restricted in the first place, so many people would have a much healthier, happier relationship with food.

I HOPE MY BIRTHDAY WISH COMES TRUE SOME DAY SOONER RATHER THAN LATER!

In the spirit of renewal and continued growth, I’m excited to share some of my updates with you.  One is that I’ve become a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor through Evelyn Tribole’s and Elyse Resch’s program.  They’re both registered dieticians who eventually realized that handing a client a designated food plan backfired over and over again.  What was up with that, they wondered?  Well, after much pondering, they had to admit to themselves, makers of lovely and nutritious food plans, that their diets set off the deprivation button big time.  Clients came in time and again in tears because they had “failed,” Elyse and Evelyn got it that the clients weren’t failing, the diet was failing them.  E. & E. went on to coin the term, “Intuitive Eating” and wrote the first book of the same name in 1995.  Their most recent 2012 edition contains an informative chapter for parents.

More interesting news, I’m completing my certification for becoming a life coach through Baraka Institute right here in Portland!  I’ll be a certified life coach by the end of the month.  This marks an inspiring shift in the work I do.  I’ll of course, continue the Iintuitive Eating coaching because it’s one of my deepest passions.  And, I’m opening my practice to working with people on bringing them a greater degree of life satisfaction, harmony, and actual joy!

Speaking of joy, this email I recently received from a former client just made my day!  I always love hearing from those I’ve worked with and this client’s journey truly speaks to the Intuitive Eating process:

Hi Kristen,

I know it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you, but I was thinking about you and wanted to give you a little update. I’m amazed at the progress I’ve made and it seems to have happened with me hardly realizing it. I can’t believe that I no longer obsess about food and that I actually love eating. It has been a slow process to get to that point, and I wasn’t sure that it would ever happen. But all of the things we talked about in group or individual sessions finally hit me when I was in France this summer. In all of my other travels, I was too terrified of food to ever enjoy it. In France, I finally did.

Something seemed to have clicked and I haven’t had any problems with food or eating since. I eat meals, I eat things that I love, I eat sweets, and I feel so much better than I have in a long time. I honestly didn’t really notice anything about my size, but when I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in some months he said, “You’re smaller!” I was a little shocked and I said, “What do you mean?” And he said, “I don’t know, you’re just smaller everywhere.” Yesterday, I was at my parents’ house and I weighed myself out of curiosity. I was shocked to see that I’d lost weight! Not that the pounds matter to me right now. For months, I’ve felt entirely comfortable with the way I look in a way that I can’t ever remember feeling.  I won’t weigh myself again while I’m home, because it doesn’t matter anymore!

I just wanted to let you know how surprised I am, and say thank you for your part in the process. I really loved working with you, and getting over my eating problems has made such a profound impact on every other area of my life. So thank you again. I hope you are well!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/moments-that-restored-our-faith-in-humanity-this-y

I hope this brings a different kind of tear to your eyes.

Hold those you love close.

Today I am aware of the true abundance in my life and I endeavor in my work with my deeply endearing clients, to help them break free, to steer them through that beckoning doorway which will lead to a place of self-love and acceptance, a knowing that they are worthy of all life has to offer right now, as they are, not sometime in the future when they are skinnier, more organized, productive. NOW. YOU ARE ENOUGH.

That said, let me share some of my process that got me through that first holiday without stuffing myself, numbing, and missing the chance to be present to the yummy food, amazing company, and all that I was truly grateful for.

On any holiday:

Eat some protein earlier in the day before the holiday meal.  Do this when you’re hungry, stop when satisfied.   This will help you not be overly hungry when the holiday meal is served.

If you’re cooking the holiday meal refrain from putting bites of food in your mouth before dinner is served, remember how delicious it will be when eaten when hungry.

Whether the host or the guest, peruse the offerings beforehand and determine which ones are singing to you, eat only those because honestly, if we took even a small portion of everything offered, we would be stuffed.

Remember you can ask your host if you can take home some leftovers that you don’t have room for and you can eat them when you get hungry again.

If you have cooked, ask for help in getting the leftovers wrapped up to pop into the fridge, clear the kitchen of tempting bites that you could so easily slip into your mouth (even though you’re full).

Remember that this day is not the last time you will get to eat a holiday feast, this evening or tomorrow you could have leftovers! You usually have the opportunity to have this same food for several days in various forms. It will be there again WHEN YOU ARE HUNGRY!

If I don’t cook one year, if I’m a guest, on the holiday weekend following the holiday I cook a chicken with all the accompanying goodies because I MUST have leftovers. That way, I know I don’t have to panic or go into that place of thinking, OMG, this is so good and I only get it once or twice a year, I better store up! Because once you go there, the ability to enjoy the holiday is lost.

Have a gratitude filled day, allow it, bring it to yourself!

As a student of Eckhardt Tolle, what he teaches resonates with me.  Does death occur when a person leaves the human form, or is that a transition to true essence?  It shall remain a mystery.  What we do know is that loss occurs when one passes, loss of relationship and other joys we may have known on this planet.  This is especially true of those of us left here, I think.  Part of why people are afraid to die are reflected in these two reasons, with another huge factor being fear of the unknown.  And this fear plays out over and over again as many of us make decisions that keep us stuck in the unhappy familiar.

Ironically enough, we die while still in human form each time we deny our essence, that beautiful, aliveness that is us, essentially us.  The one unique spirit that is connected to all and to the Source, which lends us support and love anytime we tap into it.

In dancing in honor of our companion today, Sierre took us to a deep place within, noting that we never know when the time to leave this planet will take place.  Therefore, if you want to live, LIVE.

Part of consciously living is acknowledging the shadow self.  We may have several shadows, things that plague us due to family of origin dynamics; abuse, addictions, health issues, familial expectations.  Shadows can arise out of comparing ourselves to others; in this world of multi-tasking and the expectation that people should excel in everything they do, we are at risk to be hounded by the voice of not being good enough.  These legacies and beliefs can be so challenging, that instead of acknowledging them, we check out through overeating, over-drinking, drug use, over-working, compulsive spending, compulsive use of technology.  Who needs to die as we commonly know it, when we can die while still in human form!  We can disconnect from our true selves, the people we love, the natural earth.  We can die and choose not to live day after earthly day simply by choosing our compulsive behavior instead of choosing ourselves.

Ask yourself now, “If I were to die today (meaning that my human form would leave the planet) how would people remember me?  What legacies would I leave?”

Would people hold your lovely essence because that is what you chose day after day?  Or would people remember you as exhausted, crabby, distanced, struggling with compulsive behaviors, blaming, judgmental, and defeated?  In other words, dying….

Ahh, this NIA dance this morning was soooo good!  Sierre invited us to face our shadows, acknowledge them (no healing can take place without this), dance with them, disengage with them, cut the cords, be released, and dance into the light.

You see, and this is the thing.  We all struggle.  We are one and the same.  The human experience is hard, no doubt about it.  But we believe we’ll make it better, easier by checking out.  We don’t, we make it progressively harder by making that choice.  When we chronically check out, we abandon ourselves, leaving us adrift, bereft, alone.

While dancing and facing my own demons, I received a message and a visual aid.  The image of myself as a beautiful, joyful 6 month old infant came to me with the words, “Choose her, she is your essence.”

I keep this picture of myself in my kitchen to help enlist a loving compassionate voice instead of the harsh, berating voice.  But right now since I’m going through some hard stuff, I’m going to find a different spot for her that is front and center, so I can see her every day and consciously choose her.  Because, why, oh why, would I choose to abandon that precious baby?

I invite you to ask the same question of yourself…would you really abandon that little self?

What did I take home from this experience?  The most profound realization for me was just how much information our own dear bodies carry.  Our own bodies, the entity we shun, we disconnect from, we try to hide and ignore.  The entity so many of us have berated and felt hugely ashamed of. Yes, dear reader, that very body.  Our own, sweet body has all the information we will ever need.  And a bonus?  It travels with us!

So the retreat was composed of basically four components:

1) body movement and meditation
2) eating meditation facilitated by Geneen
3) Geneen’s discourse on her approach, which is based on tuning in to your body for information  regarding your degree of hunger and what it is your body is wanting
4) inquiry, which is about tuning in, being present to your immediate emotional and bodily  feelings and sensations (described in the back of the book Women, Food, and God)

All four of these components are about tuning in and acknowledging our bodies as our partners, the vessels  that make our life on this planet possible.  Truly, until we begin to acknowledge and give thanks to our bodies, we will continue to have the disconnect which throws us into compulsive, emotional eating.

Notice how often I’ve used the term “tune in?”  Yup, it’s a mindful practice of connecting to your mind, body, and spirit.  Just practice, a little bit at a time…

And, thank your body today, each day, and hey, send your body some love, some Big, Big Love!

Ah, Spring! The time of year that often seems plump with possibilities.  Longer days and more natural light may lend energy to sleepy winter ideas. Spring is the perfect season to develop internal resources that, with daily practice, can boost us through many of the natural ebb and flow of life experiences, including new challenges, detours, transitions, and loss.

One amazingly powerful tool that can help us continue to grow and strengthen our potential for authentic happiness, is simply noticing significant moments of beauty and identifying the feeling of joy in our bodies.

Significant moments of beauty take place and can be experienced anytime, anywhere.  It may be something incredibly gorgeous in nature, on a minute or grand scale.  It may be an interaction between yourself and another person or an animal companion.  It may be that you are witness to a sweet and tender interaction between others.  It could be experiencing art in it’s multiple forms, something that just takes your breath away; a design element, a painting, a song, a theatre or dance performance, a juicy quote…

Other opportunities to connect with a significant moment of beauty may be spending time on a particular ritual in your day that you cherish, or recognizing an object that brings you joy simply because it is aesthetically delightful, or because it holds memories and sentimental value.

Significant moments of beauty can bring tears to our eyes, they can take our breath away, they can bring us that glow that comes with experiencing joy, pure joy.

The amazing thing about noticing, is the more you notice, the more you notice.  The key is about developing your awareness of being present to the moment, of actually seeing, hearing, tasting, sensing, feeling what is occurring NOW.   Experiencing pleasure in what is before us now.

It is necessary to make a daily practice of noticing beauty in order to live our lives more open to receiving, with our faces toward the light.

What does all this have to do with emotional eating?  The more we can feel happiness, joy, and gratitude for that which we do have as our daily experience, the less we will be driven to compulsively overeat.  The experience of being aware is the opposite of numbing and abandoning oneself.  When you’re checked in, there simply isn’t as much time to check out.

Invite awareness, notice, notice…

As always, namaste,

Kristen