Today I am aware of the true abundance in my life and I endeavor in my work with my deeply endearing clients, to help them break free, to steer them through that beckoning doorway which will lead to a place of self-love and acceptance, a knowing that they are worthy of all life has to offer right now, as they are, not sometime in the future when they are skinnier, more organized, productive. NOW. YOU ARE ENOUGH.

That said, let me share some of my process that got me through that first holiday without stuffing myself, numbing, and missing the chance to be present to the yummy food, amazing company, and all that I was truly grateful for.

On any holiday:

Eat breakfast with protein when you’re hungry,stop when you’re satisfied. This will help you not be overly hungry when the holiday meal is served.

If you’re cooking the holiday meal refrain from putting bites of food in your mouth before dinner is served, remember how delicious it will be when eaten when hungry.

Whether the host or the guest, peruse the offerings beforehand and determine which ones are singing to you, eat only those because honestly, if we took even a small portion of everything offered, we would be stuffed.

Remember you can ask your host if you can take home some leftovers that you don’t have room for and you can eat them when you get hungry again.

If you have cooked, ask for help in getting the leftovers wrapped up to pop into the fridge, clear the kitchen of tempting bites that you could so easily slip into your mouth (even though you’re full).

Remember that this day is not the last time you will get to eat a holiday feast, this evening or tomorrow you could have leftovers! You usually have the opportunity to have this same food for several days in various forms. It will be there again WHEN YOU ARE HUNGRY!

If I don’t cook one year, if I’m a guest, on the holiday weekend following the holiday I cook a chicken with all the accompanying goodies because I MUST have leftovers. That way, I know I don’t have to panic or go into that place of thinking, OMG, this is so good and I only get it once or twice a year, I better store up! Because once you go there, the ability to enjoy the holiday is lost.

Have a gratitude filled day, allow it, bring it to yourself!

What did I take home from this experience?  The most profound realization for me was just how much information our own dear bodies carry.  Our own bodies, the entity we shun, we disconnect from, we try to hide and ignore.  The entity so many of us have berated and felt hugely ashamed of. Yes, dear reader, that very body.  Our own, sweet body has all the information we will ever need.  And a bonus?  It travels with us!

So the retreat was composed of basically four components:

1) body movement and meditation
2) eating meditation facilitated by Geneen
3) Geneen’s discourse on her approach, which is based on tuning in to your body for information  regarding your degree of hunger and what it is your body is wanting
4) inquiry, which is about tuning in, being present to your immediate emotional and bodily  feelings and sensations (described in the back of the book Women, Food, and God)

All four of these components are about tuning in and acknowledging our bodies as our partners, the vessels  that make our life on this planet possible.  Truly, until we begin to acknowledge and give thanks to our bodies, we will continue to have the disconnect which throws us into compulsive, emotional eating.

Notice how often I’ve used the term “tune in?”  Yup, it’s a mindful practice of connecting to your mind, body, and spirit.  Just practice, a little bit at a time…

And, thank your body today, each day, and hey, send your body some love, some Big, Big Love!

Ah, Spring! The time of year that often seems plump with possibilities.  Longer days and more natural light may lend energy to sleepy winter ideas. Spring is the perfect season to develop internal resources that, with daily practice, can boost us through many of the natural ebb and flow of life experiences, including new challenges, detours, transitions, and loss.

One amazingly powerful tool that can help us continue to grow and strengthen our potential for authentic happiness, is simply noticing significant moments of beauty and identifying the feeling of joy in our bodies.

Significant moments of beauty take place and can be experienced anytime, anywhere.  It may be something incredibly gorgeous in nature, on a minute or grand scale.  It may be an interaction between yourself and another person or an animal companion.  It may be that you are witness to a sweet and tender interaction between others.  It could be experiencing art in it’s multiple forms, something that just takes your breath away; a design element, a painting, a song, a theatre or dance performance, a juicy quote…

Other opportunities to connect with a significant moment of beauty may be spending time on a particular ritual in your day that you cherish, or recognizing an object that brings you joy simply because it is aesthetically delightful, or because it holds memories and sentimental value.

Significant moments of beauty can bring tears to our eyes, they can take our breath away, they can bring us that glow that comes with experiencing joy, pure joy.

The amazing thing about noticing, is the more you notice, the more you notice.  The key is about developing your awareness of being present to the moment, of actually seeing, hearing, tasting, sensing, feeling what is occurring NOW.   Experiencing pleasure in what is before us now.

It is necessary to make a daily practice of noticing beauty in order to live our lives more open to receiving, with our faces toward the light.

What does all this have to do with emotional eating?  The more we can feel happiness, joy, and gratitude for that which we do have as our daily experience, the less we will be driven to compulsively overeat.  The experience of being aware is the opposite of numbing and abandoning oneself.  When you’re checked in, there simply isn’t as much time to check out.

Invite awareness, notice, notice…

As always, namaste,

Kristen

Ahhh, the promise of a New Year.  On New Year’s Day, my dear friend and I went snowshoeing on the backside of Mt.  Hood.  It was an absolutely magnificent day.  The sun beckoned us to experience the view from atop the mountain.  We climbed and climbed until we reached the apex.  Such a wonderland neither of us had experienced, we were in awe.  We felt we were on another mystical, fantastical planet.  Then we laughed with glee as we realized that no, this magic was right here on our sublime planet!

I was in such appreciation for my body, that it worked beautifully in helping me reach that divine, spiritual place.  I made a snow angel on top of the mountain, then with a stick, I wrote in the snow, “Thank You Body, I Heart You!”   I felt compelled to share my bliss and sent gratitude out to all human bodies, they are so very noble…

I made a promise to myself to get outside more often this winter, to find a way to embrace this season of less light, more cold.  How to reach out and hold the coziness that winter offers?  I bought some warm, sturdy urban walking boots and take long, long walks through facinating neighborhoods.  And I plan to play in the snow again.  Whether it’s urban living or getting out into nature, being outdoors offers a sense of being alive that cocooning indoors just doesn’t bring.  And once you’ve been out in the cold, cocooning is even sweeter.

I will leave you with these tender words by Wendell Berry, in celebration of nature…

“When despair for the world grows in me and I awake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children’s life may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water and the great heron feeds.  I come into the place of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief.  I come into the presence of still water.  And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light.  For a time I rest in the grace of the world and I am free.”

Our yearly day of gratitude has arrived, kicking off a swirling season of eating, eating, more eating, gift giving; and ending with the yearly resolution to do something different next year.

This day of giving thanks, is my favorite holiday. Relaxing with friends, family (blood related or otherwise chosen), eating deliciously comforting food, taking walks, watching movies, playing games. Simply enjoying the sweetness of the day with those who are important to you.

In my own life, I have come to understand that being thankful for what I have is the catalyst for bringing more and more gratitude to my world. Most nights, as I plunk my sleepy head to the pillow, I say thank you for some of the beautiful moments of my day. Most mornings, I wake up and start my day by simply saying, “Thank you.”

Regardless of stress I may be facing, these simple intentions ground me in gratitude for that which I have, and help me remember that life is rich, it is not perfect.

INTENTION IS POWERFUL!

With that in mind, know that you can set intentions for this holiday season of festivities to be something you look forward to, not dread. Here are a couple of suggested intentions:

* I will create a beautiful, loving, stress-free holiday season.

This is possible! It takes going inward, sitting with yourself and visualizing what you love about the holidays. Begin to say no to the things you don’t love: overspending, over-socializing, over drinking, over eating. Say “yes!” to moments of love and relaxation, quality time with people you love. Some simple, heart-felt gifts. Contemplate forgetting the crazy-making obligations and crazy-making running around. Be still. When you have extra days off, stay home, make your home cozy, actually relax by yourself or with friends and family, but make it easy.

* I will continue to practice listening to my body amid the non-stop offerings.

This too, is possible! Before venturing out to parties, or before having guests to your house. Practice this:

Sit down alone a few minutes before you need to leave home or before your own guests arrive.
Begin to relax every little part of your body, sink into your chair.
Breathe evenly, in and out.
Put your hands on your belly, acknowledge your physical body.
Begin a dialogue with yourself. Be kind, sweet, compassionate, and encouraging.
Acknowledge that you belief you have the ability to tune into and listen to your body even among endless amounts of food.
Remember the times you have not eaten to the “beyond stuffed” stage and tell yourself you can do that on this day, as well.

Peruse the food offerings before serving yourself. Help yourself to the foods that are singing to you. You don’t have to have everything offered. Have the foods that truly sound delicious. Tell yourself that you can wrap food up to eat later, when you’re hungry again, and it will taste yummy.

Try to allow the fear to leave your body as you give the food you’ve chosen your full attention, savoring the flavor, enjoying the texture.  Eat with gratitude, giving thanks to this delish fuel for your body.  Eat with gusto!

So, although Geneen literally saved my life, I have never been in her presence except for the brief few minutes when I waited in line at a book reading many years ago simply to say thank you to her. Honestly, it was one of the most emotional moments of my life. Because I swear, I was at such a crazy making place with food and myself, I was going to jump off a bridge. But instead, I found her book Breaking Free From Compulsive Eating, and I white knuckled it through with that book as my bible for a year. By the end of that year, I had broken free. There were no more “battles” or “challenges” or shame. I had walked out of the darkness of the tunnel and into the light of my own being. And though it is a journey and nothing transforms over night, I now live the shimmery, glimmery sunlit life that Geneen refers to. The life that awaits you once you come home to yourself, your truth. That which is your birthright, your own radiance. And she is so, so right, your relationship with food is the doorway, it is the golden opportunity to take the path home.

Some of the opportunities along the path get down to this question, “What is my truth in this situation?” In our busy, multi-tasking lives we become over-engaged, over-booked, doing plenty of things we don’t want to be doing simply because someone; our mate, our friend, our in-laws, our colleague presents an invitation. Most of us are still relying on our early socialization regarding these situations believing that the polite thing to do is accept the invitation. We have fears about saying “No thank you.” “The voice” tells us we won’t be liked, we won’t be invited ever again, people will think I’m a snob, they’ll think I’m neurotic, they’ll think I’m selfish, and on and on. And if we do find the guts to say “no thank you,” we feel we have to lie, we have to make up an excuse.

Why, why must we feel we need to lie frequently in order to live in our culture, in our communities, in our families? Wouldn’t we all feel better, closer, more trusting of each other if we spoke the truth? Geneen gave a great example of having been invited to dinner and she didn’t want to go. After thinking of several excuses she could make, she simply emailed her acquaintance and said, “No thank you, I don’t want to.” And her acquaintance wrote back and thanked her for telling her the truth. In speaking her truth, Geneen did not have to spend hours anticipating and engaging in something she was not looking forward to. She got to do whatever she WANTED to do that evening. That was her truth, that she did not need another dinner engagement in her life at that moment, she needed something else and so she left herself free to experience whatever that was.

Often I think people need some down time, just time to hang out at home, in their own living rooms, or in their own backyard but they’re afraid of saying this to someone who extends an invitation to do otherwise. Whaa? I’m gonna tell someone I can’t come to their party because I’d rather stay home and read a book? Yes, why not? If you speak your truth your friends and family will come to realize that when you are in their company, you’re there because you want to be, not because you should be, and therefore can be fully present. This is not being selfish, it is honestly simply taking care of yourself. It is giving yourself time to regroup, rejuvenate, refresh so that when you’re sharing moments with others you aren’t fatigued, grumpy and resentful.

If you really tune into the truth about taking care of yourself, it opens the door to that bright, shimmery, glimmery sunlit life.  And what does living that life mean?  In my life, it means that not a day goes by in which I don’t witness and experience beauty in people, in nature, in our precious animal companions, in art.  Amazing, delightful, surprising, inspiring, touching beauty.

How magnificent is that?

Thank you Geneen!

And a postscript:

You know, on my way to Seattle I had a smidgeon of anxiety, could my hero be who I thought she was? I know she’s human so I had some fear, though small, that I’d be in her presence and witness her being fatigued or bitchy. But no. She was charismatic, entertaining, and real. At the end of the workshop as people stood in line to have her stamp their books, she greeted each and every person with amazing love and radiance. She’s walkin’ the walk, not just talkin’ the talk, sister. If you get a chance to see her sometime, allow her to grace your life.

The other evening, in an emotional eating group I was facilitating, a client had put the words “road warrior” on her collage.  It was the first session of a new group and everyone had shared about their struggles with food.   A common thread, of course, was that the participants had tried every diet in the book, as well as a 12 step program.  My client stated she’d picked that phrase because in truth, we are all warriors.  Though she’s realizing now that dieting will never work, that listening and learning to trust her own body is the way, instead of reflecting on herself as a failure regarding dieting endeavors, she is recognizing herself as a warrior.  She said something to this effect, extending encouragement to each member, “We’re all warriors.  None of us has given up on ourselves, otherwise we wouldn’t be here tonight.”  I loved this, it is so true.  My clients, my warriors.  Each one of them has tried everything they can to fit themselves into our culture; our narrow, unrealistic definition of beauty.  As hard and crazy making as trying diet after diet had to be, the fact is that each of them learned more about themselves with each endeavor.  And they kept going.  Now they’re on the path of listening to their own body, trusting themselves to let them know when and what to eat, instead of handing that job over to some outside agency.  They’re on their way home.  It was an incredibly rich evening of verbal processing and collage making, each warrior sharing deep wisdom and support with each other.

Ahh, but I wanted to revisit the women’s retreat which was absolutely magical.  Smudging, sacred circle, drumming, fire tending throughout two days and two nights.  It was my first time being up in the middle of the night tending a magnificent fire in the forest on a starry, starry night. Can’t get more magical than that.

To celebrate each stage, a maiden, a matron, and a crone danced a solo or duo initiating the honoring.  The maiden, a precious fourteen year old girl/woman was so shy and sweet, dancing before the circle of older women.  What courage!  I wept for all her innocent, young beauty and all the experiences that await her.  And my wish for the maiden?  That she will have enough positive female community of warriors, sages, and crones to support her in trusting her body and loving who she is.  To know that her unique essence is part of this universe now and forever.

Practice this “dialogue with self,”, try it. Then try it more. Practice until you are consistently able to tune in to what it is you need. And then practice verbalizing it. You may be amazed at how this affects your need to overeat. Ahhh, healing. This is some of what it takes.

Namaste,
Kristen

Because yesterday, as I sat back, sipping on my icy cold home-made concoction (thank you Sean and Nikki), I marveled at the women in the crowd. And I mean, crowd, literally thousands of people were out in full glory on that marvelously hot summer day. Women on the street yesterday were of all ages and skin tones, all sizes and shapes. And the beauty was that so many of them had adorned their bodies in magnificent splendor, fabrics and accouterments that stated to witnesses at large, “Here I Am!” The majority of the women were not hiding their bodies because they didn’t conform to our culture’s rigid definition of beauty, quite the contrary, they had looked forward to an event in which they could flaunt their individual beauty. Their body fashion, whether it was bright and bold, or sweet and soft, simply telegraphed a sense of who they are as lovely, vibrant human beings.

It was festive and heartwarming and lucky us, we have it right here in PDX. This is the very thing we need to be seeing on magazine covers and in the media.

So for those of you who are in pain about your body image, start studying women, the ones who are managing to love themselves, their bodies, and life.

As I mentioned in my first post, my clients inspire me. A client sent this link to me, such sassy intelligence:http://anybody.squarespace.com/anybody_vent/2009/9/28/anybody-thought-this-was-cute.html

And though I still love mermaids, let us love all true sea creatures, because the author has a point, mermaids aren’t real, just as those airbrushed models aren’t actually real.

Namaste,
Kristen

My clients inspire me. Namaste. I acknowledge the teacher in you as you acknowledge the teacher in me. To make sure I was using the term “namaste” correctly, though I’ve been using it for years, just this moment I looked it up in Wikipedia. This meaning, how I think of namaste, wasn’t quite there, but almost, “the light in me sees the light in you,” attributed to Bridget Laureira and her experience with yoga. We are all reflections of the human experience which we share in ways we aren’t even aware of. And this is a beautiful aspect of being human, that given the smallest human exchange, we have the potential to expand, to grow, engendering wisdom.

What I’ve learned from my clients is the key, the very key, yes, the one that has seemed unattainable, it is the key to stopping the compulsion to binge or to keep eating beyond full. So here it is, here lies the coveted secret to stopping the madness:

It is the ability to extend love and tenderness to yourself.

That’s it.  It is exactly what Geneen Roth teaches.

It is the ability to practice loving kindness toward yourself, daily, consistently. And yes, I understand it isn’t easy, nothing newly learned is. It is a practice of building awareness over time until eventually, guess what? You believe you are worthy of love and tenderness.

The next time you feel the urge to binge or overeat try this:

Sit down, away from the food.

Breathe slowly for a few minutes, feel your breath inhabit your body.

Then, engage in a loving dialogue with yourself. Sweetly, be curious about what is going on in the moment.

The immediate urge will begin to dissipate. This is because you are being loving to yourself, open, and generous. And once the urgency abates, you may be able to make different choices for yourself; nurturing choices, nourishing choices. Not always, but some of the time. And the more you practice, the chances of being loving next time increases.

Namaste.